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From Macworld via Slashdot

The U.S. Internal Revenue Service has hit Symantec Corp. with a $1 billion tax bill for allegedly under-reporting the value of intellectual property that the software vendor transferred to two Irish subsidiaries.

Symantec was notified of the issue by the IRS in late March, the company said in a regulatory filing, dated Monday.

The IRS claims that both Symantec and Veritas Software Corp. under-priced intellectual property the two companies licensed to their Irish subsidiaries, said Symantec spokeswoman Genevieve Haldeman. Both Symantec and Veritas, which was purchased by Symantec in 2005, set up the Irish subsidiaries for the purpose of doing business outside of the U.S., she said.

The IRS believes that Symantec owes about $900 million, excluding penalties and interest, in connection with the Veritas claim, which covers the 2000 and 2001 Veritas tax returns. Another $100 million is due in connection with Symantec’s fiscal 2003 and 2004 reports.

Symantec does not agree with the IRS’s position and plans to appeal the tax assessment, Haldeman said.

Symantec’s stock (SYMC) dropped more than 4 percent following the news, trading at $15.73 in after-hours trading on Nasdaq Stock Market Inc.’s INET exchange.

They should consider it a punishment for inflicting Norton Internet Security on the world. Words don’t describe how much I hate that piece of software.

A German man has taken legal action against the Easter Bunny for grievous bodily harm.

Karl-Friedrich Lentze, from Berlin, has filed a complaint with prosecutors, accusing it of causing addiction to chocolate which leads to heart attacks, obesity and strokes.

Lentze said: “The Easter Bunny is a sadistic and unscrupulous offender who preys on people’s sweet tooth.

“Find this evil bunny, handcuff his paws and remove him from shops in time for Easter.”

Public prosecutor spokesman Christian Avenarius said: “We will act upon the complaint with speed and diligence.”

Ananova

So I got to work today, and started talking to Sindy who was shortly coming off an overnight shift. She’s a fairly good looking, slim+athletic girl who I know at least one fellow staff member fancies. She’s also fancied by a few of our ‘regulars’, one of whom gave her a gift last night.

Not drunken abuse
Not a box of chocolates.
Not flowers
…
but a pink vibrator.

I think that it’s kind of a weird gift to give to a complete stranger, but what do I know.

She also mentioned that she’d tested it – and it actually worked. Then she showed me. No, not like that…

From The Times Online via fark.com

By Helen Nugent

A PUB must pay a fine for a murder on its premises more than 300 years ago.

Auditors discovered the long-forgotten penalty for The Swan in Ipswich, Suffolk, while balancing the books for the town’s St Mary Le Tower Church Charities.

The annual bill of 40 shillings, equivalent to £2, seems to be a punishment for a killing in 1664 when Charles II was king.

Rowell Bell is the clerk to trustees for a number of small charities, including Parker Gift 1664. He found the fine in a book called An Account of the Gifts and Legacies that have been given and bequeathed to Charitable Uses in the Town of Ipswich — with some account of the present state and management and some proposals for the future regulation of them.

It reads: “Mr J Parker to give 40 shillings a year to be paid out of The Swan Inn of this parish to buy coals for the poor (to be distributed on St Thomas’s Day).

“The gift is alleged to be for a perpetual fine imposed in 1664 consequent upon a murder committed at The Swan.”

It was a huge amount of money in 1664 — a labourer would have to work for six months to earn 40 shillings.

Mr Bell said: “The money should be given to the trustees and although they won’t still be buying coal, they will use their common sense. I expect, for example, they will pay for poor people to have bed and breakfast or give it to charities which help the homeless.

“I think some people will be confused because The Swan has 1707 on it, and this dates back to 1664. But 1707 is probably the date refurbishment work was done.”

Simon Trenter and Pam Wilson, who run The Swan, have agreed to pay the fine, which includes backdated payments to 1999, when the bill was last paid. Ms Wilson said: “We are all intrigued. We like being part of history.” Little is known about the murder although it is mentioned by guides who conduct tours of Ipswich.

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T).

We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T) Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T S.H.I.T).

Since our managers took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they do not have to do S.H.I.T anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L S.H.I.T) Those who are full of B.U.L.L S.H.I.T will get the S.H.I.T jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P S.H.I.T)

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T S.H.I.T)

Thank you, Boss in General (B.I.G S.H.I.T)

Did you know that snail mail can be faster than ADSL? Indeed it can, although not the snail mail you’re probably thinking of.

In an experiment that can only be characterised as bizarre, Israeli researchers constructed a data transfer system powered by snails. Yes – snails.

From the introduction to SNAP (SNAil-based data transfer Protocol)

Snails are widely assumed to be slow animals. Yet the literature on sluggish speed is surprisingly limited, and only few have actually bothered to measure and record it formally. Further, reported gastropod speeds vary widely with species and circumstance, ranging from 0.000023 to 0.0028 meters per second. With that in mind, it is not surprising that the use of snails as data communications agents was not considered up until the research reported here. Indeed, one can hardly reconcile the phlegmatic disposition of slugs with the fantastic speeds at which information is expected to flow over the Internet. Yet as we show below, the negative attitude towards using snails in communications networks is an example of bounded rationality impeding bold and creative engineering.

The original research

Happy Holidays (especially to these lucky snowmen!)

Via Gawker

Anyone else see anything unnatural there?

So – do you enjoy porn, or do you think that it’s bad?

How many of these images look pornographic to you?

This is the funniest video I’ve seen for a while – check it out!

Apparently it’s not computer generated – it’s a real house…

Great stuff.

Among a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as the protective measure of choice against invasive radio signals. We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government’s invasive abilities. We theorize that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason.

MIT

The full details are available on the MIT website.

Having solved all the world’s problems, the EU have turned their attention on the important issue of how to spell the name of Jesus Christ.

It must be getting a little too close for Christmas for the chi-chi crystal palace of the pretentious European Union. Pooh-bahs in Brussels have come up with a new grammar rule for themselves and the Netherlands–making it official that the name “Christ” will soon be written with a lower-case “c”. That was the stipulation in an orthography reform published earlier this month in Brussels.

According to the Kath.net agency, the new spelling legislation will also stipulate that the Dutch word for “jews” (joden) be spelled with a capital “J” when referring to nationality and with a lower-case “j” when referring to the religion. The changes will be mandatory in August of 2006. There is no description of the fines offenders will face if they keep right on spelling “Christ” with a capital “C”.

<sarcasm>Keep up the good work!</sarcasm>

I’ve just seen the video to “My Humps” from the Black Eyed Peas. I’m not a fan of their music (mind you I don’t hate it either), but the lyrics to this song just ring ‘true’. You can see the video here.

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ice-ys.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and then Donna
Karan, they be sharin’
All their money got me wearin’
Fly gearrr but I ain’t askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion’s,
I say no, but they keep givin’
So I keep on takin’
And no I ain’t taken
We can keep on datin’
I keep on demonstrating.

My love, my love, my love, my love
You love my lady lumps,
My hump, my hump, my hump,
My humps they got u,
She’s got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Lets spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it,
If u touch it I’ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps [x3]
In the back and in the front.
My lovin’ got u,
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me.

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon’ do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I’ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.
She’s got me spendin’.
Spendin all your money on me and spendin’ time on me
She’s got me spendin’.
Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me.

Just watch this French bloke perform his act. Amazing stuff!

Back in March 2004 I posted some funny/wierd/random pictures. Here are some more – many are definately NSFW. If you still wanna see ‘em…

Read the rest of this entry »

Via Fark

I have mixed feelings about this.

On the one hand it’s a great piece of work – especially the lyrics. On the other hand, some topics just shouldn’t be treated in such a lighthearted way.

That wasn’t hard was it…oh wait…it is!

http://www.google.com/technology/pigeonrank.html

LMAO